Monday, December 3, 2012

You Might Be a Peri-Menopausal Woman If...

You might be a peri-menopausal woman if:

1. You cry reading the greeting cards at Hobby Lobby.

2. You are moved to deep-seated and freely-voiced irritation when the kids keep Perler beads in three disparate rather than one neatly organized spot. 

3. You are wide awake from 2-5 a.m. at least two weeks of every month.

4. You watch your two older boys walk away from the car, chatting with each other as they enter youth group and you burst into tears watching them because almost two years from now one will probably be away at college and then people might think you have only four kids and not five and besides, how will your second teen 
get along without his best buddy around?

5. You threaten to throw out A. coats B. library books C. laundry D. all of the above because the clutter moves you to deep-seated and freely-voiced irritation.

6. You do not really need a reason to feel deep-seated and freely-voiced irritation.

7. You cry at Schoolhouse Rock's "Preamble to the Constitution" song.

Feel free to suggest your additions to the list in the comment section.




  1. A true peri-meno would be too scatterbarined, forgetful and disorganized to put together a well thought out comment to this post.

    Besides, she would be too shocked by her changing taste buds turning on the sweets she has loved all her life givimg their attention instead to salsa, fresh vegies, and herbs. She might even have to buy a new cookie jar and set up a sugar shrine in her kitchen just to remember what it tasted like to have a sweet tooth.

    Then there's the tiredness that comes from being awake at night, or rather this mysterious time others call 5:30am, a time she hasn't seen since there were newborns in the house. Of course this causes occasional and unexpected afternoon naps to errupt which in turn cause all manner of chaos in a homeschooled family. ("Mommy's sleeping! And it's 2:30pm! What's wrong?!)

    Did I mention forgetfulness? I forgot.

    One of the greatest side effects of labor and natural delivery is how it loosens up all of mom's joints. Squeaky knees, sore elbows, and stiff necks all benefit from super hormones whose indescriminate function is to loosen key joints needed in delivering a baby. It is literally practically miraculous that stiff knees have their odometers turned back decads just with the arrival of the latest progeny. However, there seems to be a time limit on Mother Nature's magic joint formula.

    Of course this is all speculation. A true peri-meno would never admit to personally experiencing such as denial is more than a river in Egypt. ...Or so I've heard.

  2. Forgot to mention the crankiness and shrinking ability to be patient; two things extremely important to any mom but especially one who spends her entire day with her multiple children. Rats. I think I'll go make an apple pie...with lots of salt in it. At least there's that benefit to being peri-meno, this momma knows how to bake!